Sunday, January 24, 2016

Dealing With a Friend's Death

Today we got a phone call that we never want to get. The mother of a young lady who works for At Home Care called to say that her daughter died the night before. What?!?!?!? A million thoughts came to mind. How could this happen? She was bright and vibrant, young and living her life. We were all shocked to say the least. We have clients that pass away. Not that it's okay. But we (staff and family) understand that although it is not desired, it is expected given the condition of their health.

This phone call totally caught us by surprise and it is the first time that we have faced this in our company's short life. Each of the staff members began to recall personal moments that we experienced with her. Ironically, several of us talked with her the same day she died. One staff member saw her and that staff member wasn't even at work. They just ran into each other at the store.

She was a great asset to At Home Care and we will miss her. Now we have to go on with life. But how? Below is an article from WikiHow that gives some good tips on how to deal with the death of a friend.

-Rest in Peace Antwanette.

How to Deal With a Friend's Death's-Death
Losing a friend is never going to be easy. Keeping your own sense of calm and maintaining your friend's memory are important elements of the grieving process. Accept that this is going to be a very hard time in your life but be reassured by the reality that you will get through this and that the best way to honor your friend is to retain his or her memory always alive in your heart.

  1. Think of the good times. Recall fond memories of things you've shared together and remember those. Do not play over the tragedy that took his or her life.
  2. Write poetry, listen to music you like, spend some time alone to reflect. Make it a point to replay the funny or even goofy moments you both shared. Doing things that remind you of your friend will help you attach positive feelings to thoughts of your friend, even if you cry the entire time you're doing it at first.
  3. Accept help that others might give you. Lean on family and friends.
  4. Write a eulogy for your friend and read it at the funeral. Visit the grave. Lean on faith. If you believe in God, then pray for your friend, and for yourself and his or her other friends and family.
  5. Allow yourself to feel sad. Don't let anyone tell you how long you should feel sad, or how sad you should feel. The loss of a friend affects different people in different ways, but it is painful no matter what. Do remember that it is pain that must simply be endured, like a broken arm - there are things you can do to alleviate it for a little while, but it will eventually hurt again until it fully heals. Believe it or not, as painful as this loss is, it will fully heal in time.
  6. Talk to your friend. This might sound weird, but it'll help. Tell your friend how you feel, that you miss him or her; talk over things that are happening in your life, and how different things are since your friend can't be with you. Tell your friend that you take him or her with you wherever you go, that he or she is always in your heart. Go for grief counseling or pick up some books on grief and how to handle the pain you feel.
  7. Get enough sleep - or at least rest. Often, soon after the death of a loved one, we are plagued by bad dreams, or sad ones, and sleep seems scary and impossible. Lie down in a darkened room, and if you find it hard to sleep, at least put on some soothing music, or let the TV play softly in the background. The music or words from the television can help direct your dream state a little, keeping you from re-cycling your grief through your dreams. Do know, though, that our subconscious mind processes situations and helps us deal with things, so don't avoid your dreams, though some may make you wake up sad.
  8. Resume your place in the world. Once you feel better, go out with your friends and do things you like to take your mind off the pain. Distracting your thoughts for a while will not make you forget your friend forever. Dwelling on your own pain doesn't honor your friend's memory - having a big, bold life, and remembering your friend with love and affection as you do is what your friend would want you to do.
  9. Make a scrapbook of your friend's life. Include photos of him or her from when he or she was young through to older age. Include fond memories in this scrapbook - write captions or remembered stories next to the pictures. Look at it when you are feeling down, and share it with other friends.
  10. Do something cool in your friend's honor. If your friend liked to ride his or her bike, find out when the next MS ride is, and ride in your friend's honor. Or if he or she battled cancer, check with the Cancer Society and do a Walk For the Cure or something similar. Donate any funds you raise in your friend's name. This gives great honor to your friend's memory, and does something positive in the world at the same time.

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